you know what i hate

when you are waiting for a text or phone call from some one that should be apologizing to you and you get a text of phone call from the last person in the world that you want to speak to and then it just puts a damper on your whole day cuz someone who you think SHOULDN”T care about you is showing that they do and the person that should care the MOST about you is showing that they dont….i’m sure this makes sense to someone…had to vent, thanks for listening, tune in for the next show possibly tonight from home after i am FINISHED setting up for my garage sale and FINISHED with the bottle of wine that i will be purchasing in about an hour and FINISHED caring about wether or not a certain BOYFRIEND wants to apologize to me or not!

Lying gets me hurt

for the first time i am seriously pissed off and hurt by the b/f.  Tuesdays he generally works late (10:30-11:00pm) and sometimes goes out for a drink or two with a few of the other leads at his store…then he likes to come to my house and crash.  Well, last night instead of going out for drinks he went to his buddies house and played video games until i guess after 3am…no biggie…hell he didn’t even need to come to my house especially since i would have woke his arse up at 7am to kick him out so i could go to work….well anyways he came over.  Nice gesture i appreciate it…really i do….but this is NOT what i appreciate.  I didn’t hear him come in the house but i heard him turn on the fan and felt him crawl into bed.  so i woke up.  i asked him what time it was…he didn’t answer…saw that it was like 3:50am …so i asked him if he just got here and he said no…i said what have you been doing … he said sleeping for a while….i said “here?…in the bed?” and he answered YES!…for all i knew he could have been sleeping on the couch or something…. i told him “but i just felt you get into bed why did you lie?” and he anwers with “I knew i shouldn’t have come over, i had a bad feeling you were going to be pissed”

Ladies and gentlemen…i am not pissed at the time of day he came over, i wouldn’t have even been pissed if he hadn’t come over at all…. what i AM pissed about is the LIE.  People have lied to me in the past and i have been HURT A LOT…

After talking to him i think i got him to understand that he didn’t make a mistake by coming over but by lying to me AND i got him to STOP trying to turn it around on me!!!!!  I am still hurt by it and still confused as to why he did it…yes it causes a little voice for concern in my head.  He told me that the reason he lied was that he didn’t want me to “get mad” that he was there late and wanted me to think that i had been there all night…. would you consider that sweet or that the d-bag is trying to cover up something?

He has NEVER given me any reason for me to NOT believe him or NOT trust him before…i MAY end up letting this one be water under the bridge…so long as he is seriously mad at himself for lying to me like he told me he was before he left…yes he left, i didn’t see any point in him sleeping at my house for 3 hours.   I have been ignoring things that irritate me or things that might upset me a little because i dont want to waste the little time that we have fighting…but i think i am going to stay angry about this for a few days…..dont you think i deserve to?

 

*He did finally “contact” me… sent me a text (when will he grow up)….but i think he did a text cuz of the fact that he knew i was going to be busy getting ready for my garage sale…any who the text said “I love you.  Sorry abut last night i just dont know what i’m doing.  I miss you”…so yeah, i dont know what the “i dont know what i am doing” part was all about, but think basically he was saying he still didn’t understand himself why he did it and was still mad at himself for doing it!  So i told him that i forgive him but i dont like being mad at him cuz its a waste of time so he’s not to piss me off again.  I got to fall asleep in his arms so its all good

just shoot me now!

this is going to be quick and half it wont be understandable…i hate chicago central and HUGHPAT can kiss my ARSE!!!   I need a flask at my desk or just to go home and crawl into bed…this is the first friday in ages that i DONT want to go out … just stay at home!

AND TURN OFF THE DAMN NKOTB…it is NOT 1990 and i dont need to be listening to that crap!!!!!!

and before i forget … this happened to me last night—if any of you knew the little friggen  C   U   N   T  that almost ( i love that word) ruined my relationship the first time around well I got the pleasure of running into her last night and under her prissy little immature breath decided to call me a bitch cuz i let the door slam on her (keep in mind that my hands were full with hot wings, cheesecake and rum)…. my blood is still boiling from that. 

Seriously….where is the harm in dropping to her level and bitch slapping that 20 year olds ass….fuckfriggenbitchcuntfuckingcrazywhorefuck!….nope still not out of my system, can i scream into a pillow now?

10 hours in a car can determine a relationship!

….and this relationship is AWESOME.  ND was great (even if we had to sleep on an air mattress in a cold basement).  I never once got sick of him and he never got sick of me and all we wanted to do is see each other more when we got home!  His entire family kept asking when the wedding was…i love seeing him blush and squirm!!! ANd for some reason all of my co-workers thought i would come back engaged…hmmm not sure why that is but whatever!  So here are a few interesting pics (obviously there are a million more)!  Happy viewing!

thats us standing infront of the US’s largest Buffalo statue…dont you love how i look like a midget!

ITS P-DIDDY the prairie dog…he was posing just for us!

Those are our nicknames carved into the Wind Sand Hills out there.

The b/f, his cousin who got married and his brother (first time the b/f and his brother have EVER drank together!)

B-DUBB the wild buffalo that i thought was gonna jump right into the car with me

A sign

As of 11 today I will be on vacation with the b/f and no kids.  For the last couple of days I have been really nervous, mostly due to the fact that I have only met his mother and father once and now I am to spend a whole week with his extended family.  But I am also scared that this trip is going to determine the next path of our relationship and that that path may NOT be the one I want.  I almost called of the whole thing—meaning the relationship— i kow i am on crack.  I spoke to “god” a few nights ago which is something that I haven’t done in ages and asked for some sort of sign that all the effort that i am putting in to this relationship will be worth it….In other words Steven is the one for me.   2 nights ago I got my sign… Steven gave me this georgous necklace for my b-day last year and since I moved last October I have not been able to find it.  I have looked high and low, in every little box, big suitcase, little ziplock bag, rubbermaid bin…you get the picture.   Well 2 nights ago I am attempting to start my packing when right there in the middle of my bedroom floor where I step my feet down repeadetly on a daily basis is the NECKLACE.  It was not there 2 minutes ago when i threw a pile of clothes down to refold and pack and boom…there it lays now.  I picked it up and kissed it…that was enough sign for me!

….and now this morning, why am I so nervous.  I wasn’t even this nervous for my wedding…granted I married the wrong man.  I was up at 6am this morning and in the bathroom 3 times because I kept …. well i cant say the word but imagine if you had WAY TOO MUCH EXLAX!  Yeah you get the idea…(and i have NEVER been able to say that word).   Why am I so nervous….where’s the sign that I have nothing to worry about