How many ways can one completely “eff” up their life.

I should really consider myself lucky…how many times have i driven home under the influence and didn’t A) get pulled over or B) get in an accident killing myself or someone else or both…dumm dumm dumm*(and that was me saying that i was dumb not that music sound played when something has just been revealed).  Last weekend i experienced a very life changing event….my very first DWI.  I could really go into the timeline of how it took place but to be honest i would rather NOT relive that night anymore.  It was sheer stupidity for 2 reasons A) i was not DRUNK, i was one beer over the limit…completely fine on my part but not according to the breathalizer B)–i was just an idiot…this can happen to anyone and it happened to me and i have no one to blame but myself.  Fortunately, my family see’s it that way too “It can happen to anyone”…and they are being truley supportive THANK GOODNESS.  Just not looking forward to court, fines and lack of a DL for @ 30 days….oh and the fact that this is on my record FOREVER…ugh.  Needless to say this girl will NEVER get into the drivers side of a vehicle with more than two beers/drinks in her over a 3 hour period EVER!

This is suckin hardcore…i more than likely wont be going back to school till the spring…which i can deal with but with all the fines that i am gonna have to pay…well needless to say xmas is gonna suck for my kids .  Amaya’s birthday is only 2 weeks away and i am EFFED…she has no idea what happened and i dunno what i am gonna tell her cuz she’s gonna catch on that mommy isn’t driving…oh and then there is my car…i still havent gotten it fixed from when that accident back in May happened EFF.  Really…i am becoming the worst and most irrisponsible parent i know

The end is the beginning is the end is the middle?

I use to lay awake at night pondering many things.   Some quite important to my daily living needs and the needs of my children and others (most of them) simple little day dreams and wishes.   Now that I am waking up before the rooster crows to get in a half ass work out i am exhausted by the time my head hits my pillow and i actually fall asleep.  As you can see below my daily routine leaves very little room for my compulsive worrying and imaginative wishing

5:25-5:40 attempt to wake up.  Having alarm set to go off every 5 minutes really helps this out.

5:45 after sluggishly dressing myself in something that doesn’t stink its time to work out.  First i must make sure i have a huge glass of water and either a) the remote to the tv if i am watching the news or b) the headphones to the portable dvd player if I am catching up on my Heroes via Netflix (i love you).  Hop on elliptical.

5:45-6:15-6:20 sweat ass on elliptical (if i am watching Heroes it goes for 35 minutes…otherwise 30 minutes of the news and its all repetative).

6:25 proceed to strength and toning training—-ugh and owe.

6:35 make toast and shove down throat with out tasting along with small glass of milk.  I wake amaya at this point every other day for a shower….and somehow i am in and out of the shower before she is???

6:40 wake children (1st attempt) and lay out clothes for the day (and yes i realize it would be easier if i would just lay them out the night before..but then where is the fun & drama in that?)  Hop in shower

6:48 exit shower and attempt to wake children for 2nd time or remind them to get dressed & make beds for second time. 

6:50 get dressed, brush teeth, fry hair (i use a wet to dry straightener … definately a time saver in the mornings!) and make up.

7:05 triple check to make sure all clothes i laid out are on and on properly (amaya always forgets her socks and something always goes on backwards with tyson)

7:07…get snacks for children, put Tysons into zip lock bag so he can easily open at school.

7:10 run back to bathroom cuz yes…i forgot the deoderant and meds…graw.

7:11 run back to kitchen and throw fixings for the other half of my breakfast, my lunch and a snack into a plastic bag.

7:13 possibly remind children for 10th time to put shoes on …and quite possibly remind Amaya of her socks again and remind her that she didn’t brush her hair.

7:15 hopefully fleeing out the door

7:30-7:35 arrive at daycare and attempt to drop them off w/o being held to a 15 minute conversation.  Leave to work

7:45-7:50 arrive at work

work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work

5:00 (hopefully on the nose) leave work and drive to daycare

5:15 arrive at daycare with hopes that i am not hearing A) Tyson was crabby B) Tyson had an accident C)Amaya is upset about something.  This can sometimes lead to a 15 minute hold up …ugh

—-tuesdays i fortunately have the pleasure of going where ever i want after work as the ex husband picks the children up from daycare…i generally use this time grocery shopping or doing some sort of errands that can still be accomplished in the evening hour.

—–Soon on wedensdays I will just be picking up Tyson at daycare only to race over to SACS (Shak0pee Area Catholic Schools) to pick up amaya from her religion class.

—–Most Thursdays its just Tyson and I until @ 630 as Amaya has piano…I have made a consistent request that this day be changed to Friday or Saturday when she is with her family.

—-Fridays (unless there has been a swap) i go home!!!!

back to reality

5:40-5:55 (depending on when daycare lets me out the door) arrive at home and watch kids kick off shoes and dump backpacks where ever…remind them to put backpacks on table and shoes by door…the evil things i request of them.

5:55-6:00 start dinner…pray that i have all ingredients and that they will eat it….definately being a picky eater as a child has come to bite me in the ass!

6:25-6:30 dinner is just about done and my 3rd request as master slave driver is that the children set the table.

6:30ish….eat NO TV …this is the #1 rule and they know it!  We have conversation and for the most part it takes my son less than a decade to finish a meal!

so from here until 8-8:30 depending on how long it takes us to hang out, do homework, have a snack, read our “15 for fun” and just get ready for bed.

8:30—joy time to clean…most of the time its not that bad.  I will make my lunch for the next day, do a little laundry (if its sunday/monday) empty and refill dishwasher…nothing too bad really.  the rest of the cleaning is saved for the weekend!

9ish…finally drop on the couch and hopefully crack open a beer or pour a glass of wine.  I have very few shows that I watch and seeing that most of them are on when my children have control of all technology I will DVR them (thank god for that) and watch at this time with the hopes that i wont fall asleep.  The only exception is Football…sorry kiddos but mom has her limits.

Fortunately …when football is playing its the perfect setting for backround noise and i can WOOHOO go on the computer! (Hence the long blog tonight)

and about this time (10:03) is when i start to realize that bed sounds awesome…maybe not sleep just yet but bed  awaeaeweqeaew (insert drooling noise that Homer Simpson makes).  So with that said i will sneek to my bed (but not before folding laundry and swaping loads) and start this lovely routine that leaves me thoughtless, worriness less (?) and wishless…someone dream a little dream for me please?  Oh well…at least this will guarantee my plan of being single for a long time….but I want to go to school this winter and am wondering the when and how???

uffdah!

Hey look ..i know how to use a computer

blah blah blah…i dont update regularly…sue me.  Really, there is not much to update.  I mean I can update on my kids like DAILY…always doing something cute or memorable (which means something stupid that I will never forget that they did).  But…now is not the time and if my power supply hadn’t gone out on my personal computer at home i would probably have typed up and update for you some evening over these last couple weeks.  I just wanted to throw a quick snapshot of the kiddos on their first day of school (Amaya 3rd and Tyson K)…so enjoy

First Day of School

an EVENTfull weekend

 One great weekend after another…this weekend after partying hard friday night and trying scotch for the first time, I was on the road @ 8am to head down to KATO for Vikings Training camp…and what a tease I got when they started their scrimage….TJACK GOES DOWN!!!

 

not enough of an injury

 

Oh TJack…why couldn’t you have gotten a more severe injury…would’ve made our lives so much better.  Oh well, he’re some of AP!!

AP IN THE END ZONE..get used to it! AP and his family, AWE

After waiting in line to get autographs we finally get there and they wont let anyone in line for Bobby Wade, Sidney Rice or Bernard Berrian…fortunately Andre Allison was still available and I didn’t have an effing clue who the rest of them were!!!

So after that my nephew got to do a few of the games that they had there for kids and we headed home.  We were back in town by about 1pm and my hangover was making me a very unhappy person.  Mom’s suggestion: Bloody Marys!  And so we did and I had many.  You would have thought that I would have gone to bed at a decent time seeing that I didn’t get any sleep the night before…but no my insomnia kept me up till after 2am again!  But alas…I found a cure the following night, WARPED TOUR 09!!!

My Couisns and I

and even though my buddy that i bought a ticket for didn’t show fortunately my cousins were there and didn’t mind me tagging along.  Had my buddy given me any notice that he wouldn’t come I am sure there would have been plenty of people that would have LOVED to watch me drink and get burnt!  Luckily I was able to sell his ticket!  So yes…many beers and plenty of sun later I looked like this by 6pm!

YAY for Stacy showing up and making my sunburnt face look even worse!

I was so happy I got to see this girl!!! its been ages and i miss her soooo much.  She had to work that day but got there just in time to see her fav band Underoath play their last two songs.  By the time Bad Religion was done playing I was GONE!!! I got home and my head was just POUNDING.  I did NOT drink enough water and with the sun and lack of sleep all weekend I was out by 8pm.  I stopped at Subway on my way home and got a sandwhich and ended up waking up like every 20 minutes to take a bite…strangest way i have ever eaten a meal.  Great weekend though and I am so relieved that I have to work this weekend so I can lay low cuz I definately need it!

Birthday Weekend 09

My birthday weekend was a blast as usual.  Started out with some margaritas provided by my dad.  I dont like mine blended so mine were on the rocks with double the tequila and triple sec…AWESOME!!!

 

 

 

 

 

The Margarita King

and massive amounts of crab legs and other food (i just devoured the crab legs, wasn’t aware of the other food till I cleared my plate).  After the crab legs came the card games.  My birthday is the only time i can EVER count on the entire family getting together.  Its rare that all 3 sisters and their spouce’s are in the house at the same time.  SO i requested a new picture of the 3 of us…too bad Sandra didn’t show up in yellow too!

 

 

 

We three sisters of "Dont mess with us cuz we're more evil than we look"

i’m loving my new hair cut!

Saturday I was up at 730 thanks to my lovely son, but he let me veg in bed till about 8am…what a doll!

Then around 11:30 it was off to River City Days for some fun, food, beer and WATER FIGHTS!

 

 

 

 

 

Water Fights!!!

Fun times to be had by all…and yes we did get very wet!  Unfortunately Shakopee took first place but the Chaska 2 team …which formed the day before mainly consisting on the Fire & Rescue Volunteers, a friend of mine included, took 2nd place while the Chaska 1 squad who have been formed for several years and practicing for over a month took 3rd   Way to go CF&R Volunteers!!!Now off to nap and get ready to rock with DUST n BONES!!!!DUST ‘N’ BONES!!!

 

DUST 'N' BONES!!!

 

This is my buddies Guns n Roses cover band and they are AWESOME!!!  My buddy is Slash there on the right.   I wonder how much booze were in those Jell-O shots…and i dont like Jell-o but it was a good time to be had by all.  Wish that a certain someone could have been in time or at least extended his layover much longer…but all in all great weekend!

 

 

 

Happy Birthday Bubby

WEll…he’s five today….at exactly 1:31 this afternoon 5 years ago Tyson emerged like a fish out of water…LITERALLY….my doctor barely caught him by his leg and my ex husband almost passed out.  Dr looked at me and I said “what…you told me to push?”….i dont think he was expecting it in one full swoop!

Its hard to imagine you going from this …my little baby only 18 months old

To my handsome little man who doesn’t even want kisses from his mommy anymore (in public that is shhhh…dont tell anyone that he still gives me kisses at home) and starts kindergarden in less than FOUR months!!!!

Happy Birthday Bubby I love you…and dont worry you will get to open all of your presents on Sunday!

What could I possibly have to talk about

What should I update you on.  I could update you on my relationshiop with Steven, but there is none.  There will never be one again …not even friendship.  I will not post about him anymore because I do not want to be reminded of anything about him/us…so this is the end of that!

I move back to my parents house this month.  I am actually starting to look forward to it.  I will be able to save money and pay off debt with the hopes that I will be BUYING –yes I said buying and not renting– a home in September…no later than October.  I will also have access to a pool to lounge in all summer–nice way to relax after work every day.  And my mother still cooks like she has a housefull of people so I will not have to cook dinner anymore —which yes i will miss…but not for the summer .  Besides, there will be plenty of lunches to make on the weekends and why deprive my mother the pleasure of cooking!  I have been informed that they are NOT live in baby sitters (well duh I knew that) but that if I ever do need to “just get away” after the kiddo’s are sleeping that they are ok with that as long as i ask them!  OMG…do you know what this means…i might actually get to have a social life now!!! with real people…at real places with real BEERS??? wow!

I have already so many plans for the summer—the only thing I dont know what I am doing this summer is 4th of July.   Normally we go to my g-ma’s house for her b-day as well…but she is not around.  And the “unmentionable person” had promised me a day on Lake Minnetonka since i didn’t have the kids this year….so thats not happening.  No kids and nothing to do….the fact that my g-ma isn’t here makes it worse.  But that is still 2 months away—birthday is MAYBE gonna hurt a little to since this was mine and “unmentionable persons” anniversary…but hopefully I will be having TOO MUCH FUN seeing that this is my last birthday in my TWENTIES WAAAAHHHH!   FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS…I wanted one more baby by 32—-hmmmph.

The kids are getting excited to move back with the rents—for some reason they hardly see my children even though we live like 5 miles apart??  Amaya has her first piano recidal (sp) on 5/29 YAY …but poor little thing had a bad session last night and was crying at how poorly she thought she did.  I just had to tell her that everyone has their bad days.  Tyson…WANTS TO SKATE MORE!!! YAYA…cant wait to get him into skating two and very excited that he liked it and didn’t give up on it!

Looking forward to hopefully posting pictures of my new home sometime here in the next 4 months!

When did I stop having a life?

I know I use to have a life, I just don’t know when it stopped?  I don’t think it was when I had my first born, I remember having my own personality and hobbies then.  Even after my son I still did what I wanted when I wanted….but when did I stop doing the things I wanted?  Now with Steven gone and out of my house [life] I realize I am nothing…. I am just mom, just a house keeper, just a cook, just a nurse.  Don’t get me wrong….my children are awesome and I love them to death and love being their mother….but is that all I am anymore?  I have no hobbies, no friends who just come over to hang out, no invites from people who don’t have kids or are not my family.   I really do not feel like “me” anymore, throw that in there with Steven moving out and I am for the first time in 3 years truly and sincerely MISERABLE…DEPRESSED and just all together unhappy.  Even if I wanted a hobby I couldn’t afford it OR my children throw it back in my face*.  I need something to bring back my spirit as it went AWOL with no sign of returning.  I try to focus at work, but even a job that I love keeps my energy and ambition to an all time low.  My aunt who is in jail has more of a life than me, she’s back in school & losing weight –all while being locked in a cell [k she gets out for school and on Sundays---pulled the religion card with that one].  I’ve been depressed before, I’ve been declared as having depression before—its coming and I can feel it.  Even with spring finally being here I have no motivation to do anything.  I am so tired of crying, but cant get it to stop—today I honestly wanted to call the kids dads and tell them to keep them so I can crawl into a hole.  My dreams and hopes for my own personal life are gone and I feel like I have nothing to look forward to anymore**  YES ITS TIME FOR ME TO BE “POOR PITIFUL ME”….just cuz I am so tired, so not myself.  I am just sitting on the edge ….looking down, completely lost and hopeless.

 

*I told Amaya that I was invited to play softball, but its on Thursday’s which is mommy daughter night—she made me feel like I was ruining her life for trying to establish one of my own…and I have now declined to join.

 

**I know I have my children and their future to look forward to and I have all my dreams and hopes for them…but someone once told me that “they” are not the only reason I am here…and now he is gone [most of the time].

Happy Happy Joy Joy ITS FRIDAY!

ITS FRIDAY!

I couldn’t be more ecstatic, now if only the time would go by faster.   Mainly because I just ate lunch and am still hungry but watching those calories.  OMG I have been drinking water like its going out of style and peeing all the time….seriously I get up every 20 minutes here at work and then about every hour at night…its CRAZY…but supposedly a “good sign” of things to come (or hopefully lose in my case).  I am truely addicted to my SparksPeople website and really REALLY reccomend it to anyone trying to lose/gain weight or just lead a more healthy lifestyle for themselves and/or their families.

Picture update YAY….the kids and i for the last couple of years have done a picture of our heads together on the floor (we do it before we go to our family gathering at OCB —still a favorite place to eat) and here is this years, still loving my new hair but could do with out the glasses….i think this is the 8th pic we took and Ty started to get a little annoyed as you can see in the pic, but it really is the best of them all.

Family on the Floor!

it will go in a frame on the wall covering past years photos.

Tyson had his Kindergarden round up last night and he had SO MUCH FUN.  It really is hard to believe that my little man will be attending school for 2 hours and 35 minutes every day starting September 8th this year A KINDERGARDNER are you serious?   His b-day is coming up in May and he’ll be my big 5 Year Old! my little handsome devil!

 

Bubby 03/09

And my darling Amaya has her first communion the weekend after easter, not that I a huge religious buff or anything, but still proud of her and happy for her.  I can’t believe how big she is getting and mature she has become.  I love that she still loves the Beatles and wants to grow up and be just like Regina Spektor who is definately most talented.  Amaya said to me “mommy, I just want to play music and have a band, I dont even care if anyone likes my music or not”.  What a ham I tell you, still love her new hair cut too!

Peanut 03/09

So all in all, the family is doing well.  We are happy and healthy (for the most part anyways–Tyson needs to lay off the fruit roll ups and amaya could lay off the ice cream a bit more).   So … you may be asking, what about the other person living under your roof.  Still one of the most annoying persons I have ever crossed paths with … but i still love him with all of my heart and more than anyone ever

US + mom 03/09

Picture was taken by bubby…hes great at capturing angles!

Not much else to report, well I am sure there is but I really cant think of anything else right now…so enjoy the update with pics.  I’ll leave you with another of the kids

MYTY 03/09

a whole lot of talk and a little less pictures

I so need to upload pictures of Tyson’s first skating lessong but a) the pictures suck because they took him way far out on the ice and my camera didn’t zoom in that close without making it look blurry and the plexiglass was too scratched up and b) i’m just lazy….or busy, whichever way you would like to look at it.  I will get more BETTER pictures on Monady for lesson number two…but what a time he had!  I am so proud of him!  This was his first time on the ice EVER and to make matters worse i put him in hockey skates —completely and deliberately ignoring  the instructor saying “hockey skates are much harder to learn in”—i dont care…he looked kick ass in them!   Yes …he fell … over and over and over….and over, but every time he got right back up ON HIS OWN! and never cried or whined —it was awesome!   Lets hope he progresses a little in lesson #2.

So excited to have Monday off of work this following week…Amaya’s spring break so I promised her that I would take a day off so that we can all hang out all day long.  I think she might be as excited as I am…too bad i’m effing broke!  We’ll think of something…originally it was suppose to be nice and sunny…but not any more…now its gonna be cold and rainy

 

and FUCK MEN….yeah while i am here at work (yes blogging while i work…or working while i blog) fuck bag decides to start a fight….and now i am pissed and DO NOT want to go home after work!

i think i just got my day ruined…thank god the suns not shinning cuz i would tell it to go fuck itself and stop being so effing cheery!