The end is the beginning is the end is the middle?

I use to lay awake at night pondering many things.   Some quite important to my daily living needs and the needs of my children and others (most of them) simple little day dreams and wishes.   Now that I am waking up before the rooster crows to get in a half ass work out i am exhausted by the time my head hits my pillow and i actually fall asleep.  As you can see below my daily routine leaves very little room for my compulsive worrying and imaginative wishing

5:25-5:40 attempt to wake up.  Having alarm set to go off every 5 minutes really helps this out.

5:45 after sluggishly dressing myself in something that doesn’t stink its time to work out.  First i must make sure i have a huge glass of water and either a) the remote to the tv if i am watching the news or b) the headphones to the portable dvd player if I am catching up on my Heroes via Netflix (i love you).  Hop on elliptical.

5:45-6:15-6:20 sweat ass on elliptical (if i am watching Heroes it goes for 35 minutes…otherwise 30 minutes of the news and its all repetative).

6:25 proceed to strength and toning training—-ugh and owe.

6:35 make toast and shove down throat with out tasting along with small glass of milk.  I wake amaya at this point every other day for a shower….and somehow i am in and out of the shower before she is???

6:40 wake children (1st attempt) and lay out clothes for the day (and yes i realize it would be easier if i would just lay them out the night before..but then where is the fun & drama in that?)  Hop in shower

6:48 exit shower and attempt to wake children for 2nd time or remind them to get dressed & make beds for second time. 

6:50 get dressed, brush teeth, fry hair (i use a wet to dry straightener … definately a time saver in the mornings!) and make up.

7:05 triple check to make sure all clothes i laid out are on and on properly (amaya always forgets her socks and something always goes on backwards with tyson)

7:07…get snacks for children, put Tysons into zip lock bag so he can easily open at school.

7:10 run back to bathroom cuz yes…i forgot the deoderant and meds…graw.

7:11 run back to kitchen and throw fixings for the other half of my breakfast, my lunch and a snack into a plastic bag.

7:13 possibly remind children for 10th time to put shoes on …and quite possibly remind Amaya of her socks again and remind her that she didn’t brush her hair.

7:15 hopefully fleeing out the door

7:30-7:35 arrive at daycare and attempt to drop them off w/o being held to a 15 minute conversation.  Leave to work

7:45-7:50 arrive at work

work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work

5:00 (hopefully on the nose) leave work and drive to daycare

5:15 arrive at daycare with hopes that i am not hearing A) Tyson was crabby B) Tyson had an accident C)Amaya is upset about something.  This can sometimes lead to a 15 minute hold up …ugh

—-tuesdays i fortunately have the pleasure of going where ever i want after work as the ex husband picks the children up from daycare…i generally use this time grocery shopping or doing some sort of errands that can still be accomplished in the evening hour.

—–Soon on wedensdays I will just be picking up Tyson at daycare only to race over to SACS (Shak0pee Area Catholic Schools) to pick up amaya from her religion class.

—–Most Thursdays its just Tyson and I until @ 630 as Amaya has piano…I have made a consistent request that this day be changed to Friday or Saturday when she is with her family.

—-Fridays (unless there has been a swap) i go home!!!!

back to reality

5:40-5:55 (depending on when daycare lets me out the door) arrive at home and watch kids kick off shoes and dump backpacks where ever…remind them to put backpacks on table and shoes by door…the evil things i request of them.

5:55-6:00 start dinner…pray that i have all ingredients and that they will eat it….definately being a picky eater as a child has come to bite me in the ass!

6:25-6:30 dinner is just about done and my 3rd request as master slave driver is that the children set the table.

6:30ish….eat NO TV …this is the #1 rule and they know it!  We have conversation and for the most part it takes my son less than a decade to finish a meal!

so from here until 8-8:30 depending on how long it takes us to hang out, do homework, have a snack, read our “15 for fun” and just get ready for bed.

8:30—joy time to clean…most of the time its not that bad.  I will make my lunch for the next day, do a little laundry (if its sunday/monday) empty and refill dishwasher…nothing too bad really.  the rest of the cleaning is saved for the weekend!

9ish…finally drop on the couch and hopefully crack open a beer or pour a glass of wine.  I have very few shows that I watch and seeing that most of them are on when my children have control of all technology I will DVR them (thank god for that) and watch at this time with the hopes that i wont fall asleep.  The only exception is Football…sorry kiddos but mom has her limits.

Fortunately …when football is playing its the perfect setting for backround noise and i can WOOHOO go on the computer! (Hence the long blog tonight)

and about this time (10:03) is when i start to realize that bed sounds awesome…maybe not sleep just yet but bed  awaeaeweqeaew (insert drooling noise that Homer Simpson makes).  So with that said i will sneek to my bed (but not before folding laundry and swaping loads) and start this lovely routine that leaves me thoughtless, worriness less (?) and wishless…someone dream a little dream for me please?  Oh well…at least this will guarantee my plan of being single for a long time….but I want to go to school this winter and am wondering the when and how???

uffdah!

Did you know that being Twitterpated can lead you to Colorado?

Wow…Colorado was just the most amazing time of my life.  I never thought that Colorado would be the place that I would want to settle in.  I will have pictures next week seeing that my camera was left at a friends house and is being mailed to me now.  So … tomorrow is my midyear review and i will be asking boss man about transfering to our Denver branch.  I know what you’re all thinking “What about your kids, their dads, your family, your friends”….well my kids are coming with, their dads will deal, my family will deal and my friends…well my mom has always told me i need new friends!!!

So why Colorado you might ask?  ummm maybe because THIS

THIS is what i woke up to EVERY MORNING!!! This is what i saw all day long…in a city of almost 600,000 people there was still serenity…nature NATURE…dude deer would just chill everywhere, i thought we had a crap ton here in MN…well we do but they are all spaztic and these ones were calm and tranquil…never ran or budged YOU CAN FEED THEM…they just walk up to your patio like “Whats up fool” and all and you gie them food…AWESOMENESS!

I have been looking for a reason to leave MN…i am not happy here anymore, while i like my friends there is just too much history that i dont want to be around, too many people i’d rather not see ever again and even if i were to move somewhere else in MN i dont think i could avoid that/them.   My experience on other vacations have be impressionable and up until Colorado I surely thought that Boston with its history and east coast charm was where i would eventually plant my feet…and then COLORADO.  Seriously…those of you who have never been there DONT GO cuz you’ll want to move all your crap there too!!!  But if you do go, look me up cuz i will be living there.  I would love to transfer by the beginning of September because then my kids could start the school year there and i wouldn’t have to drive there during the winter…but it all depends on when our Denver office has a position open for a transfer.  Hopefully soon….

So once i get the pictures i will tell you about the man that swept me off my feet while i was there (and NO i am not moving there for him)…that has not been able to leave my mind since i last saw him before i drove to the airport (stupid office rules…didn’t get a kiss goodbye ).  I am just so TWITTERPATED…i love that word.  More will come when necessary…just know that WOW this is just simply amazing!

Overly Perceptive Boss

So I dont know if my boss decided to give me this “constructive criticism” because I jokignly made fun of the fact that he was taking “presentation classes” because I think that he speaks to quietly, or because somehow he knew what was going on in my personal life OR that he just was really giving me constructive criticism based on my performance at work.  Either way….FUCK…how’d he know?  His advise ” I know it can get rough hearing the same thing over and over –ie. In my name only, cant give up the book, 0% even though i’ll be making $800 on the load– but you need to just forget it and move past it and think of a positive to replace it”  double fuck….wow, too much insight from my boss.  Great advice REALLY great…the fact that he always starts any “constructive criticism” (which isn’t often) with “YOUR DOING  A GREAT JOB KEEP IT UP” should definately not have me worried…I am doing a great job.  But of course….”just forget it , move past it and think of something positive to replace it”….i think this is something Steven has been saying to me every time we get into a fight.   He left me a two page letter when i didn’t return home last night (do you know how hard it is to squeel your tires going in reverse when driving a stick…i think i rev’d it up too high cuz i couldn’t get the RPM’s to come down for a bit)….so after several beers and a vodka collins i go home and find this letter.  To be honest i dont remember too much of what it said and i’ll have to read it again…but the jist of it is that he claims whenever i do anything that upsets him he forgets about it and moves on….and i continuously remind him of his fuck ups.  I’m sorry but if i am doing something wrong SHOULDN”T YOU TELL ME….cuz i’ll just keep doing it again and again and again…you shouldn’t just let it roll off your shoulder cuz one of these times your gonna let it get to you and then your gonna blow up in my effing face!   Anyways…the letter….it mentioned something that he thinks that maybe i hold on to stuff cuz thats the way i was raised….what the fuck ever, i was raised with so much shit in my life i just want to forget about it….i would love to forget my past (1980-1989) entirely….but i cant…it does make me who i am.  Shit i need to read this letter again cuz i cant remember a damn thing that he said now.  I need a nap—- i dont even want to go home after work cuz i dont wanna see him…even though he wont be home till almost an hour after i get home and i could always just fall asleep…maybe i’ll do that…then when i wake up i’ll go to my moms….OH YEAH…he told me that he has no effing friends anymore and that he changed that for me BULL SHIT DICKWAD…thats why we are fighting in the first place…cuz you put your friends before me.  .  . and FYI i am the one that gave up all ties with friends to be with you …proof? k last night i am pissed at you and i have NO WHERE TO GO…no friends houses to go over to … no one to call…so i go to my sisters…hell my own damn mother wasn’t even home.  He’s been telling me for the last 2 years that he’s still the same person he was when i met him and then all of the sudden in this letter he miracously discovered that he’s the one who’s changed??? Way to fuck with my head…..which hurts cuz of the cheap Karkov vodka last night—didn’t i learn anything from New Years 07?? guess not.  20 minutes and i can leave these florescent lights THANK GOD except its sunny out and i forgot my damn sunglasses at home FUCK.  yeah—-nap when i get home.

My boss has way too much insight on my personal life right now

It’s due time….but my pinkie hurts :(

I know, how dare i neglect NaBloPoMo 2008….but not having HIGH SPEED INTERNET kinda prevents me from plopping my arse down infront of my PC at home and typing out the exciting details of my day.

“Well what about work” you ask…believe it or not i am actually working, which is why my pinkie hurts.  I am working 730ish-530ish with out taking a lunch almost every day now…thank you to our new carrier (for those of you interested in who it is look up T code T107658—YEAH THATS WHO!)  So my pinkie hurts today because i typed up a spreadsheet listing the 279 TWO HUNDRED SEVENTY NINE Customers that my new carrier can NOT haul for….what the crap i tell you

Children:

My children are for the most part doing great…they could have a few attitude adjustments but for the most part we’ll leave them as they are.  On the upside my daughter said that she wished she could vote so that she could have voted for Barack Obama last Tuesday and my son was running around the house days prior to election yelling “Mama is for Obama”…. just makes your heart melt doesn’t it.  My son….my poor poor son, I wish I really knew what was going on with him.  He does not like his new daycare, he cries every morning when we leave to drop them off.  He seems so unhappy and confused and I dont know how to make him happy.  I know my daycare lady is awesome…my daughter likes her and all the other kids like her.  I think Tyson might be having issues adjusting from being watched by his aunt and having all the attention on him to going to a daycare with several kids his own age needing the attention of one woman that he doesn’t know all too well.  I just called my sister and begged her to take him for a couple hours…maybe she can get some answers out of him??  My daughter…well since the dentist pulled her teeth that wouldn’t come out on their own her snotty attitude has improved WAY MUCHO!!!  However she really needs to realize that I gave birth to her brother-NOT HER!  I love that she tries to teach him and take care of him…i can live with out her bossing him around though…telling him to do things after i have already asked him too.  Christmas decorations have been brought out of the garage now and they both will be smilling continuously so all is well!

Work:

Work…well aside from my pinkie hurting I now have a part time job as a gift wrapper at Von Maur and a 2 glass wine/night addiction because of a)how little i am paid for b) for how much work i do   Work is good…i am happy that i am busy and hopefully i am living up to the expectations of my supervisors.  I keep hearing from one of them that next year i wont have to worry about $$$ which i hope is true because this PT job is only seasonal.  Continuously keeping my fingers crossed…good raise, good bonus, good tax season…can i please buy a Wii??? 

The Boyfried:

Definately going well…hence the pink happy love sic (blah) color!  We talk more and more every day about the two of us moving in together.  While he cant physically (and prolly emotionally) do it now he does help me out when i need it… Like spending $70 on groceries last week!!!  But we have decided that come February he is gonna move in with me and the kids for the month (haha picks the shortest month!!!) just to see if we all “mesh” and should take the next step into our ‘home buying adventure’.  I hope it goes well cuz he makes me happy and the kids like him and when i am happy my kids like me HAHAH! 

 So whats next…oh not much other than i really hope to set up a time so that this awesome lady can take pictures of me and my wild bunch.  We’ve haven’t had a family portrait of any kind since i was married…unless you count the one i take every 1.5 years of the three of us laying on the floor and i take a quick snap of our heads together, but her pictures are just so amazing…even when its youth zombies trying to devour their siblings!  My hopes and dreams for the rest of the year?? hmmm…lose a bit more weight (the stress of two jobs and never seeing my babies might do the trick) make it through the holidays and produce some sort of holiday card.  Bonus i have already ordered, received and stuffed the holiday card for work!  Other than that just cant wait for my review to see how my new year is gonna go. 

Was that an update ? … my pinkie still hurts, and now i must go learn how to wrap gifts.

How to talk down to people

If anyone needs to learn how to talk down to people and treat them like your own personal minions please come to my work and speak with the RUDE woman (We’ll call her A so you can keep track of who is who in this lovely story) who sits right across from me.

When i first started over in this dept a year & a half ago there was beef between her (A) and this other girl (We’ll call her J) and while i became friends with both of them they continuosly fought back and forth…at least just until one of them got fired….which is when i started noticing that i was having problems with the other (A).  Problems just being that she was very rude to not only those around her but her carriers and customers as well.  She continuously butted in on others conversations and would talk down to people like we were all here for the simple purpose to serve her.  The girl has a severe negative attitude…walks into work shuffling her feet every day with out even a smile or a good morning.    Now … I use to be that type of person so its even harder for me to be around that because I can feel myself slipping back into that mindframe when she is around…she’s simply no good for me!

Today shit finally hit the fan ( i dunno why but i love saying that)…. I had an incident at work and i was asking for advise on how to handle the situation.  She started telling me what she normally does and i was listening while reading information on it (i would need to give you details of my job in order to explain more and that would take a lot of typing).  I then turned to the guy next to me and asked him a question then i asked another guy a question (who’s been with the company for 10 years) and almost immediately she SNAPPED and started going off on me how SHE told me what to do and i didn’t listen to her.  I finally had enought and POLITELY (and i asked people around me if i said it politely or if i just thought i did and they said i did say it politely) A— Please dont talk down to me like that and she turns around and says “You know your always a bitch to me”….and wouldn’t shut up….just kept going and going even after our supervisor told us to take it in the office and i said “I’M DONE”…..so yeah…tension is tight in here and now A, supervisor, boss and I all have a fun little meeting tomorrow! OH HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY!

 

****below is (and this is what she put in the subject line) “my attempt at an apology letter****

I apologize for letting things escalate to the point that they did yesterday.  I am working on following out a request from Jex to aid in the education and development of the rest of the team using my six years of experience.  I seem to be able to do this with the rest of the team, and I am wondering how to present suggestions to you when you request them from me? 

 

I would like to find a way we can mutually agree on giving and taking feedback from each other.  It makes it very hard for me to follow through with the request from Jex when I am ignored.  I really do want to help where I can when asked.  I felt that my suggestions were completely disregarded yesterday, and frankly it hurt my feelings and I took it as a direct sign of disrespect.  To be honest, I’ve been feeling for the past few months as though maybe I’ve done something to upset you, so if this is the case please let me know.  I know that the way the situation was handled on both our parts was wrong, but together I think we can come up with a better way to address issues as they arise. 

 

Again, I apologize and would like to look forward on improving our working relationship.  We don’t have to be best friends outside of the office, but we do need to be cordial to each other while at work

 

Let me know your thoughts

10 reasons why i love my job

1) For the delicious drinks provided at Benihana’s friday night

2) for my first taste of Sake ever provided at Benihana’s friday night

3) for the delicious sushi provided at Benihana’s friday night

4) for the several drinks provided at Decoy’s friday night

5) for the out of nowhere appraisal and kind words my boss spouted to me friday night at Decoys

6) for the shots provided at Decoys

7) for the next set of drinks provided at the next bar down the road from decoys

for the fact that so long as Amanda is not around the rest of us can laugh and have a great time

9) for the money provided by my boss so that we could gamble at the second bar whos name i do not remember and keep what ever winnings we receive ($60.00 baby!!!)

10) for providing me with a safe cab ride all the way home and reimbursing me the $$$ (in about two weeks or so)

And thats just the beginning, taking me to a vikes game in November, suite tix to a Wild game in February….god i love my job, maybe i should get back to work!

I blog because people piss me off and I can’t email it to others that I work with because “big brother (HR)” is watching

for fucks sake…grow the fuck up and leave me alone…or go take it out on your husband cuz i aint having none of it.

This chick i work with needs to go on maternity leave and get the hell out of my face before i actually ask HER “what did the five fingers say to the face” …. SLAP BITCH.  Now, i know a few of my readers are pregnant or attempting to get pregnant and i would NEVER really want to hit a ragu woman…but those of you who know this girl knows that she is simply the most NEGATIVE, SELFISH, SPOILED & LAZY person i have EVER met! 

Let me set the scene for the event that took place last thursday:

7:45 i walk into the office and start working 

8:06 miss “i am princess and get whatever i want” walks in as she does almost every day of the week

day runs pretty smoothly until around 2:30 when she emails me to cover something for a guy that left our office early.  I reminded her that i am no longer his back up but i will see what i can do.  As i am on the phone she is running her mouth and i do to her what i do to my kids when i need them to be quiet while mommy is on the phone and she tweeks out at me cuz “i am being soooo rude”.

3:15pm….we get an email from our boss that as long as all of our I’s are dotted and t’s crossed we can start leaving in 20-30 minute intervals based on the time that we arrived into the office.

3:20pm miss priss sends an email saying we have to decide who’s going first between her, me and another guy in our office so i tell her “simple, him me you” and she asks why that order and i reply “he was when i got in at 745 so he goes before me and i was in before you got in so i am before you”

“well … just cuz you were in 10 minutes before me shouldn’t mean you get to go first”

“acutally yes it does…read the email again IN THE ORDER YOU ARRIVED THIS MORNING” (and sorry sweetie you were in 20 minutes after me)

….she wont talk to me now, which i am not worried about…but GRAW i cant stand her anymore!

Gloves are off

In short…the guy that I have been having issues with at work…well today he REALLY got to me…and I have only been in the office for 54 minutes!!!  I am going to my boss to put my foot down that I am NOT THIS DUDES BITCH and need to stop being treated as one!!!!

I will post more after my meeting….beginning of the month/quarter…should be nice and slow!

Wow, that was suprisignly painless…and i didn’t leave my breakfast on his desk Its so nice to actually hear that your valued and that your boss agrees with your qualities!  I said everything i wanted to say in the most respectable and professional manor!  I have a constant smile on my face because of that and also because of the fact that I just landed some good business that my boss was asking me to prove to him that i could do.  YAY ME!!! its very pleasurable to be succesful!

Woman who have children should not act childish!!!

So as of lately there has been word that a certain blonde in my dept has been talkin behind my back…but i honestly have not let it bother me that much as she talks behind everyones back and well pretty much has no self esteem, confidence or TACT!!!  We have a certain gentleman over in our group that since he has joined us has kinda played devils advocate to everyone.  Friday I got called into the office with my boss and “DA” (devils advocate) to talk a little shop talk…alls well till my boss mentions that he’s heard that I am having issues with “Blondie”.  I am kinda lost because i have yet to really feel that any thing going on between the two of us is affecting my ability to get my job done and therefor have not felt that it is a situation that i should bring to my boss….yet.  So at this point I would like to smack “DA” for interfering with MY “non” issues!!!  Anywho…i tell them that its fine and i know how to be professional and IF it begins to affect my work then i will speak to him again.  ANd i let it at that…..now had i known that they were gonna pull “Blondie” into the office next i would have told them both off!!! Why…because now the whiny little crabby ass MRS NEGATIVE the world is get to me cunt “blondie” is going to think that i was complaining about her….and what happens to her then….well she gets SEVERELY snappy with me……example….. BLondie is lead on a new account, DA is back up #1 and i am back up #2.   We all are busy and have our shit to do on a daily basis.  Now since we acquired this rather large account there are certain loads that branches send over for us to drop our carrier on….and we get these emails daily.  I would find it safe to assume that if leader of the pack “Blondie” can not get it done she would in turn POLITELY ask that either myself or DA do it.   Well….here’s an email from her today!!!  and i have reversed the email so you do NOT have to read from top – bottom.

Part 1) from other branch

Hey guys

Here is the list for********tomorrow. Starting tomorrow we will be utilizing the drop yard and preloading some of their trailers; we will also be live loading a few as well. Just make sure you list which is a live load and which is a preload in the load notes. I have already spoken with******so she is aware that we are starting this tomorrow.  Let me know if you have any questions Thanks 49201580496967294987920349982133 preload49982140 preload49998042 preload

49998044 preload

Part 2) from BLONDIE

Does anyone have time to book these up?

These were sent over to us over 1 hr ago and haven’t been booked upI have to jump on a conference call right now 

 Part 3) from ME

I’ll try to get done what I can, I have a conference call in 20 as well

Part 4) From her directed to me ccing my boss & DA!! how wonderful!

You’re not seeing my point….it looks very bad upon us if it take 1 ½ hours to book these loads up.We sell our customer service in this group, and in my opinion this is very poor customer service!

I’ll push my call back a bit to book these up right now….***, might not be ready to roll at 2pm for our meeting.

I friggen hate bitches   

   

 

   

exhaustion and anger

My poor son has been sick the last couple of days which means that I have missed work which pisses me off cuz I was on a role! I mean i was hot at work…not to mention that once again I …not DAD had to take time off of work to take care of my kid…which is fine cuz he was really REALLY ill but still…its the principle of the matter.  Anyways….I am really looking to succeed in my position and i really do love what i do.   Today though its beginning to dawn on me that i may not be wanted in one such way.  I was awarded this great account a little while back and yet have not been involved with it cuz the main guy that was on it before wont back down.  He tells me that our contact is no longer our contact yet he talks to him EVERY day to get trucks and then my boss sends me an email for a lane that i should offer this account and when i do this GUY tells me that i should tell them to ignore the email and he calls them personal to offer the lane….seriously WTF????  OHHH and lets not forget the little trip that they just took down to meet everyone down there…even one of my managers was shocked that i wasn’t invited to go with.  hmmmm yeah wtf???  Dont get me wrong, this guy is funny and i am learning a ton about the business from him….but i think its just a little shady whats going on.  And if this kind of crap is going to happen i really dont want to focus my time and energy into an account that really isn’t mine….right? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR…..i need a vacation from my life i think…no more mommy, no more account exec no more EX BOYFRIENDS CALLING ME ALL THE TIME…just a vacation into hybernation with 10 good books and wine, lots and lots of wine