OUCH and so worth it but OUCH

I FINALLY GOT MY TATTOO…after it being visioned in my head for many months and then finally in the process of being drawn up by a buddy of mine and then getting it right ….yesterday i took a 1/2 day from work to get this bad boy done! 

and yes it hurt badly, and no there will not be anything going down the center because a) too many people wrap snakes around knives & swords b) its suppose to look like it is going in/out of my back and c)TOO EFFING PAINFULL!!!!  but i am VERY pleased that 4 hours in a chair resulted in this!   Now for my next one???

so very VERY quickly while i have time to breath

work has been crazy hectic…the last 1.5 weeks i have been at my desk from 845-515 in most cases WITH OUT EVER LEAVING…1/2 the time i would realize it was 2 and I SHOULD PEE!   its been fun…ufdah!

YAY!!! I bought my plane ticket to go out to Colorado over the 4th…pammy and i are gonna cause trouble!!!

Bought mine and my sisters tickets for Green Day on the 11th…super stoked that she is going with me!

Going on a party bus (my first —i am a virgin ) this friday …should be a good time with my sister, cousin and aunt!

Luau on friday…in which case i am not nervouse about because (one of the things i really wanted to IM you marcoda) i have lost 15 lbs…count it 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 POUNDS since d-bag did me the huge favor of leaving me…i am about 3.5 lbs from my goal weight right now…i am super tan and super blonde and well yeah kinda super-ficial? hahaha!!!

what else…hmmm oh right my tattoo…Its drawn up but not in my hands but will be soon…for those that want a quick description it will be a snake on my back that looks like it is coiling in and out and up my spine….I CANT EFFING WAIT…best part yes…my “friend” is drawing and inking it on me all for what??? $20 bucks!!! hells yeah, dont know how i landed this hook up but i did!  (Seeing that my two little ones combined were around $200)—-sweetness!

right right…midnight showing of Transformers 2 next Tuesday with said “friend” and another friend…yummy Optimus …drooooool.

and finally…back at rents, all is well, kiddos are doing great love being with nani and papa and having a pool and the neighbor girls and so on and so forth…k back to work.

It’s a whirlwind of spectacular crapola

Why might that be you ask?

I am far from packed to move to my rents this weekend. I don’t know if it’s because I have procrastinated or due to the fact that I have too much shit…I will go with the latter of the two thank you. Really though, between my children and I we have too much stuff, so much in fact that I have to rent a storage unit for the summer! Whatever, I guess it’s not that bad but its going to take more $$ away from my down payment!

Speaking of money, I HATE BANKS … you would think after almost 9 years with the same bank they wouldn’t try to eff you as much as mine has. “lets not post items that are pending and process them first anyways before all the smaller items and then charge 7 overdraft fees @ $35 each instead of 2!” ….great….I’m on my way to saving money OMFG!

Saving money…whats the point? I don’t think I will ever have the credit that I want and need to be pre-approved for a home and by the time I am prices are going to sky rocket….yeah the house I was suppose to go look at on Saturday…in negotiation stages right now CRAP and it’s a foreclosure so I am sure it will sell….”well I’m gonna crap double for you tonight” name that line bitches I dare you!

I just want the weekend to get here…I want the moving to be done and I want July to get here so I can go to Colorado Springs and party my ass off and forget about everything or at least leave everything I don’t want to remember behind me! Is that too much to ask? I could blog about my kids….but really nothing new…I’ll have pics after tomorrow’s first piano recital and that’s about it. Sorry, just blowing off steam.

 ***Well make that 9 mother effing over draft fees @ $35 each…yeah that equals $315 that my effing bank just got for free from me!***

Spring Time Miracle

Ok…so not many of you know much about my job but one of my contacts just came back to manage our account and OMG my stress level will be dropping by about 300% now …I can not tell you how excited I am about this…and fyi I am golden blonde now…down over 10lbs from when dickwad left which will be a month on the 21st and only have about 7 lbs to go to be at my ideal weight. In a couple weeks I will be booking my flight out to Colorado Springs (YAY PAMMY) for my solo vacation over the 4th of July…things are looking UP UP UP!

Here’s me posting VIA EMAIL

Thanks Marcoda! Now I can waste my day at work even more…fyi I wanted to boast and brag that my work bought me a new phone…for those of you that want the new number email me

Isnt she lovely?

Happy Birthday Bubby

WEll…he’s five today….at exactly 1:31 this afternoon 5 years ago Tyson emerged like a fish out of water…LITERALLY….my doctor barely caught him by his leg and my ex husband almost passed out.  Dr looked at me and I said “what…you told me to push?”….i dont think he was expecting it in one full swoop!

Its hard to imagine you going from this …my little baby only 18 months old

To my handsome little man who doesn’t even want kisses from his mommy anymore (in public that is shhhh…dont tell anyone that he still gives me kisses at home) and starts kindergarden in less than FOUR months!!!!

Happy Birthday Bubby I love you…and dont worry you will get to open all of your presents on Sunday!

What could I possibly have to talk about

What should I update you on.  I could update you on my relationshiop with Steven, but there is none.  There will never be one again …not even friendship.  I will not post about him anymore because I do not want to be reminded of anything about him/us…so this is the end of that!

I move back to my parents house this month.  I am actually starting to look forward to it.  I will be able to save money and pay off debt with the hopes that I will be BUYING –yes I said buying and not renting– a home in September…no later than October.  I will also have access to a pool to lounge in all summer–nice way to relax after work every day.  And my mother still cooks like she has a housefull of people so I will not have to cook dinner anymore —which yes i will miss…but not for the summer .  Besides, there will be plenty of lunches to make on the weekends and why deprive my mother the pleasure of cooking!  I have been informed that they are NOT live in baby sitters (well duh I knew that) but that if I ever do need to “just get away” after the kiddo’s are sleeping that they are ok with that as long as i ask them!  OMG…do you know what this means…i might actually get to have a social life now!!! with real people…at real places with real BEERS??? wow!

I have already so many plans for the summer—the only thing I dont know what I am doing this summer is 4th of July.   Normally we go to my g-ma’s house for her b-day as well…but she is not around.  And the “unmentionable person” had promised me a day on Lake Minnetonka since i didn’t have the kids this year….so thats not happening.  No kids and nothing to do….the fact that my g-ma isn’t here makes it worse.  But that is still 2 months away—birthday is MAYBE gonna hurt a little to since this was mine and “unmentionable persons” anniversary…but hopefully I will be having TOO MUCH FUN seeing that this is my last birthday in my TWENTIES WAAAAHHHH!   FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS…I wanted one more baby by 32—-hmmmph.

The kids are getting excited to move back with the rents—for some reason they hardly see my children even though we live like 5 miles apart??  Amaya has her first piano recidal (sp) on 5/29 YAY …but poor little thing had a bad session last night and was crying at how poorly she thought she did.  I just had to tell her that everyone has their bad days.  Tyson…WANTS TO SKATE MORE!!! YAYA…cant wait to get him into skating two and very excited that he liked it and didn’t give up on it!

Looking forward to hopefully posting pictures of my new home sometime here in the next 4 months!

This has to be the end, but it hurts

I’m ending my relationship with Steven.  Its too painful and heartbreaking to be his girlfriend.  As much as I know he loves me I just dont feel it.   I dont know if its me expecting too much out of him or the fact that he is just completely ignorant to what he is [not] doing.   I love him dearly but I keep being let down, dissapointed and having my heart broken that soon this love will turn into hate and then that will be the end of anything.  Its going to be hard [very] at first …but I think/hope I will get through it, and I really hope he does too.  I hate that I have to leave him because I really do love him but i just think that he’s settling…or is just happy to be in a relationship but doesn’t want to really “work” on it or “committ” to it? I dont know if that is exactly what I am trying to say …. but he’s very cold, very closed, very NOT THERE FOR ME.  He use to be, in the beginning, he use to tell me sweet nothings about how he felt about me and how I made him feel.  He use to check in on me 8 million times a day to see how I am doing….and now [when i am sick] he doesn’t care…i fall backseat to everything else that is important in his life.  I wish things were different, i wish that i didn’t crave his attention, love, affection, tenderness, emotional attachment ect… as much as I do or I wish he could actually provide me with all of that.  Maybe…someday….sooner than later.

 

**NEVER EVER NEVER EVER WILL I LOVE THAT CHILDISH IMMATURE LITTLE PRICK FUCKER—-TALKS TO 17 YEAR OLD GIRLS WHO ARE STILL JUNIORS IN HIGH SCHOOL AND LIES TO ME ABOUT IT…LITTLE FUCKER.  NEVER EVER AGAIN YOU PRICK BASTARD**

Not quite religious…but he needs prayers and get well thoughts

I just found out last night that a dear friend of the family’s 11 year old son was air lifted to the Mayo clinic after flipping his dirt bike while riding with his dad.  The had to induce coma and they know for sure that there is some vertebrae injury but not yet sure if there is spinal injury.  Fortunately they have done some tests on the brain and there is no swelling (phew)…but the rest is just wait and see.  Poor little guy, he is the son of my sisters best friend and the best friend to my nephew.  I have known this little boys mother since she was 9 and him his entire life and i just can not imagine what they and their family is going through right now….To Brody & Amy, you both are in my deepest and hopeful thoughts, i love you both.

When did I stop having a life?

I know I use to have a life, I just don’t know when it stopped?  I don’t think it was when I had my first born, I remember having my own personality and hobbies then.  Even after my son I still did what I wanted when I wanted….but when did I stop doing the things I wanted?  Now with Steven gone and out of my house [life] I realize I am nothing…. I am just mom, just a house keeper, just a cook, just a nurse.  Don’t get me wrong….my children are awesome and I love them to death and love being their mother….but is that all I am anymore?  I have no hobbies, no friends who just come over to hang out, no invites from people who don’t have kids or are not my family.   I really do not feel like “me” anymore, throw that in there with Steven moving out and I am for the first time in 3 years truly and sincerely MISERABLE…DEPRESSED and just all together unhappy.  Even if I wanted a hobby I couldn’t afford it OR my children throw it back in my face*.  I need something to bring back my spirit as it went AWOL with no sign of returning.  I try to focus at work, but even a job that I love keeps my energy and ambition to an all time low.  My aunt who is in jail has more of a life than me, she’s back in school & losing weight –all while being locked in a cell [k she gets out for school and on Sundays---pulled the religion card with that one].  I’ve been depressed before, I’ve been declared as having depression before—its coming and I can feel it.  Even with spring finally being here I have no motivation to do anything.  I am so tired of crying, but cant get it to stop—today I honestly wanted to call the kids dads and tell them to keep them so I can crawl into a hole.  My dreams and hopes for my own personal life are gone and I feel like I have nothing to look forward to anymore**  YES ITS TIME FOR ME TO BE “POOR PITIFUL ME”….just cuz I am so tired, so not myself.  I am just sitting on the edge ….looking down, completely lost and hopeless.

 

*I told Amaya that I was invited to play softball, but its on Thursday’s which is mommy daughter night—she made me feel like I was ruining her life for trying to establish one of my own…and I have now declined to join.

 

**I know I have my children and their future to look forward to and I have all my dreams and hopes for them…but someone once told me that “they” are not the only reason I am here…and now he is gone [most of the time].